The Price of the High Holidays

By Allison Kaplan

Way back at my Bat Mitzvah, the rabbi explained how I was becoming an adult in the eyes of Jewish law. But only now, 14 years later, is my synagogue enforcing that status.

According to the congregation I have attended since birth, I no longer count as my parents' child.

Talk about tough love.

What this really means is it now costs $75 if I want to go to High Holiday services with my family. Rolling Stones tickets don't even cost that much.

Yet in shopping around for a High Holiday venue - now that I'm a castoff, er, adult - I find that $75 is actually a bargain. Some synagogues go as high as $300 for non-member High Holiday tickets. I've seen others advertise "Only $150 per person!" as if Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur were an end-of-the-summer clearance sale.

Did Ticketmaster get a hold of the High Holiday account?

As a Jewish twentysomething, I find myself somewhat disillusioned this time of year. Okay, sure, I'm getting married in nine months. I'm financially independent. Nobody tells me what time to go to bed. I pack my own lunches. But does that mean I have to be in charge of everything?

I'd still like to be the kid from time to time. And High Holiday services seem like the perfect occasion to just show up when my mom tells me to and sit next to my dad so I can play with his tsitsis.

I think a lot of synagogues believe people my age don't join because we don't care. And perhaps that's true for some. But what synagogues don't take into account when they criticize unaffiliated twentysomethings is the trauma of becoming head of a household. As if I have a house.

In Chicago, City North Kehilla tries to ease the transition with a deal designed especially for people ages 20 to 30. Translation: it's temporary, you can only belong for two years. A $180 fee - up from $150 last year buys a one-year membership to a local JCC, access to five area synagogues - Reform, Conservative and Orthodox - and a coveted High Holiday ticket at one of the participating temples.

Kehilla tries to downplay the included High Holiday ticket. Director Julie Fuhrer emphasizes the continuing education programs, the cultural and social activities, the member newsletter. Nonetheless, she admits, this is the busiest time of year for sign-ups - about 80 new members in the last few weeks.

Even $180 - a price Fuhrer said is carefully considered - seems like a good chunk of change to me. At least I'm not alone.

"When you're 25, out of school and working, but not making a huge salary, you feel like you should just be able to walk into any synagogue," says Karen Beth Farkas-Cohen, director of Hillel's Graduate and Professional Division in Chicago. "You're not in the mindset of, 'what does a synagogue provide me.' You're most at risk of getting turned off."

To their credit, many synagogues seem to be aware of this separation-from-childhood anxiety many of us experience. For example, Chicago's Temple Sholom tries to cater to the young crowd with $220 membership fee for those 30 and under.

Interestingly, a non-member ticket for Temple Sholom High Holiday services is $250.

It just seems like synagogues should be above that kind of clever marketing. But as Temple Sholom membership Director Bekki Harris Kaplan explains, synagogues are not run on prayer alone.

"Our costs (for putting on High Holiday services) are exorbitant," Kaplan said. "We fix up the building, make sure everything is glistening. We have to move the bimah back into the social hall so everyone can sit together. Then there's maintenance, books and security."

But that's not why Temple Sholom prices High Holiday tickets above membership.

"The bottom line is, we believe Judaism is a year-round thing," Kaplan said. "We really encourage affiliation."

Kaplan brings up the myth she and membership directors everywhere would love to debunk - that synagogues are for family, and you don't need to belong until you have kids.

Of course that's not true. But the thing is, until I have a family of my own, I'm going to think of my parents as my immediate family. So will my parents, who were rather upset to learn that after all they've given to our synagogue through the years, their daughter's High Holiday ticket is no longer provided.

Kaplan said she gets complaints from many parents of grown children.

Temple Sholom is now exploring the concept of a junior membership, maybe $175 for people up to age 25, who grew up in the congregation but are not yet ready to commit. Sounds like a reasonable compromise to me -- but see if we can't stretch that age limit to 30.

Send comments to Allison at Singlstyle@aol.com