Going to a Wedding Alone
By Bonnie Trachtenberg
It's the old double whammy: yet another person in your life has managed to find true love before you, and once again you have to witness -- painfully alone -- more heartfelt wedding vows.
Why? Probably one of two reasons. Either you're not married, engaged or living with anyone (roommates don't count), and therefore your invitation is "restricted." Or you aren't seeing anyone special and don't relish the thought of explaining to everyone that your escort is merely that -- an escort. Either way, you are at the wedding alone and trying not to look pathetic. Nothing is worse than being pitied, so you sling back a few glasses of champagne, laugh cheerfully, and pretend not to notice the humiliating spotlight you imagine is following you around the ballroom.
Ever been there? I'm sorry to say that I have more than my share of times, and as I've gotten older, it's only gotten worse. So much so, that I've taken a vow of my own: I'll never go to another wedding alone! I'll send my best wishes and a lovely gift, and contentedly rent videos and scarf popcorn in the comfort of my home.
I made this vow soon after the event of my cousin's wedding. Since she is almost exactly the same age and we grew up together, I reacted to the pronouncement of her impending nuptials with highly mixed emotions. On the one hand, I was very happy for her. On the other, I was panic-stricken. My life to that point was so unsettled. Not only didn't I have a boyfriend, I really didn't have any prospects either. So attending her wedding alone (as a bridesmaid no less) was very
difficult.
That morning, I awoke without the ability to turn my head to the left. Then I turned my ankle during my daily run. Next, I set my hair for fullness and wound up looking like Shirley Temple. But I forged on and somehow made it to the temple in one piece, even managing a healthy dose of nuptial enthusiasm. Although I sensed everyone in my family "handling" me with kid gloves, I forced myself to remain cheerful. It was a beautiful wedding, but boy was I glad when it was over. I knew then that if I could possibly help it, I'd never subject myself to this particular brand of torture again, even if it meant making a phone call to the host.
You see, on the flip side of this coin are the bride and groom (or more likely their parents) struggling to keep wedding expenses in the neighborhood of reasonable. They are trying to pare down their guest list and naturally feel more inclined to invite their dear friends and relatives than your unknown escort. While surely understandable, it's all how you look at it: When, like me, you're 35 years old, for all intents and purposes society says you "should" be married: the assumption is you would have a spouse anyway. So perhaps there should be a cut-off. For example, if your guest is over 30, you should bite the bullet and invite her with a date. Or maybe invite your single friends and relatives alone, but then accommodate them if they ask (or beg) to bring someone along - a dead giveaway that the "trauma" of your blessed event cannot be borne alone. And speaking from experience, that's a good time to spread some nuptial cheer by making room for one more guest.
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