Feeding a Child: Oy!

By Elizabeth Schulman

There are few things more satisfying to a mother than feeding her child. From the moment her baby is born, a mother becomes the source of nourishment, and whether or not a woman decides to breastfeed, there is great comfort in providing sustenance to one's precious offspring.

A mother delights in seeing her child, who has recently been introduced to strained food, experience the different tastes of vegetables, fruits and cereals. As somwhat of a nutrition fanatic, I was especially excited to help cultivate in my daughter the appreciation for healthy eating and help pave the way for a lifetime of nutritious eating habits. I loved seeing her gobble up her carrots and cry for more peas. Once she could take solid food, I prided myself on her vegetarian diet and meticulously planned a well-balanced and varied menu. I was determined that, unlike her mother, she would not have to conquer the junk food cravings. She would grow up the model of good health and wellness. Then, incredibly, it all came to a screaching halt.

Shortly before my daughter turned two she started to show less interest in her food. The cantelope she used to devour was being pushed aside and she wouldn't even open her mouth for yogurt and strawberries. I cringed to think of all the vitamins she would be missing without these foods and tried to find appropriate subsitutions. Her mealtimes began to deteriorate and, eventually, she wouldn't even try what I served her. All the books I referred to stated that this was perfectly normal and to be expected in a two-year old. What's more, according to the experts, creating any issues around food or coercing her into eating would wind up having a negative effect on her for years to come.

I was beginning to panic and to feel as if I was failing in my role as mother and provider. After all, isn't it a mother's job to see that her child eats her beans and grows up healthy and strong? The fulfillment and fun I had experienced in feeding my little girl had turned into full blown battles around "one more bite" of a scrambled egg. It was amazing to see just how little food a child with such enormous energy and stamina could actually thrive on.

Then I discovered barbeque sauce and parmesan cheese. It seemed that as long as I put these condiments on her food, she would eat anything I served her. I also discovered in a pinch that spaghetti could be eaten for breakfast and it wouldn¹t be terrible if she ate peanut butter and jelly three times in one day if that's what she wanted. The offerings on my culinary menu decreased significantly but so did the battles around mealtimes. I decided that if my daughter was hungry, she would eat; and I refused to have my worth as a mother measured by what or how much she ate.

Although I haven't been 100% consistent, the key to my overall mealtime success is creativity, flexibility and surrender. (Of course, these seem to be the same characteristics that ensure my success with just about everything I do as a mother). "You can lead a child to dinner but you can't make her eat." And if she does eat, chances are it will involve ketchup. In the long run, I discovered that it is just as important how you spend your meals with your kids as what goes in their stomachs. Your best friends may become Chef Boyardee and Ben and Jerry but they are also every other mother¹s best friends. Don't yell, don't bribe and don't bargain. And definitely don't eat their leftovers!

Elizabeth Schulman, M.A. has a masters degree in stress management from Goddard College and a masters in health education from Columbia University. She is a yoga instructor and a full-time mother.