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A Guide to Tashlich

By Richard J. Israel*

On Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year), there is a ceremony called Tashlich. Jews traditionally go to the ocean (or a stream or river), pray, and then throw bread crumbs onto the water so the fish can symbolically eat their sins. Some people have been known to ask what kind of bread crumbs should they throw. We have some ideas:

For ordinary sins, use........................... White Bread

For exotic sins..................................French Bread

For particularly dark sins...................... Pumpernickel

For complex sins................................. Multi-Grain

For twisted sins.................................... Pretzels

For tasteless sins................................ Rice Cakes

For sins of indecision............................... Waffles

For sins committed in haste........................ Matzo

For sins committed in less than 18 minutes......Shmurah Matzo

For sins of chutzpah............................. Fresh Bread

For substance abuse/marijuana................ Stoned Wheat

For substance abuse/heavy drugs................. Poppy Seed

For committing auto theft .......................... Caraway

For petty larceny.................................... Stollen

For committing arson............................... Toast

For timidity...................................... Milk Toast

For being ill tempered/sulky .................... Sourdough

For silliness.......................................Nut Bread

For not giving full value..........................Shortbread

For jingoism.................................. Yankee Doodles

For risking one's life unnecessarily ......... Hero Bread

For excessive use of irony........................ Rye Bread

For telling bad jokes............................. Corn Bread

For hardening our hearts..................... Jelly Doughnuts

For being money hungry........... Enriched Bread or Raw Dough

For war-mongering............................... Kaiser Rolls

For immodest dressing...........................Tarts

For causing injury or damage to others..............Tortes

For promiscuity................................ Hot Buns

For promiscuity with gentiles................. Hot Cross Buns

For racism..................................... Crackers

For sophisticated racism...................... Ritz Crackers

For davenning (praying) off tune.............. Flat Bread

For being holier than thou........................ Bagels

For unfairly upbraiding another.................Challah

For indecent photography........................Cheese Cake

For trashing the environment....................Dumplings

For sins of laziness.......................Any Very Long Loaf

For being hyper-critical............................Pan Cakes

For political skullduggery..........................Bismarcks

For over-eating................Stuffing Bread or Bulky Rolls

For gambling................................Fortune Cookies

For abrasiveness......................................Grits

For sins of pride................................ Puff Pastry

For cheating..........Baked Goods with Nutrasweet and Olestra

For being snappish............................. Ginger Bread

For impetuosity.................................Quick Bread

For incompetent child rearing................ Raisin Bread

For negligent slip ups......................... Banana Bread

For dropping in without warning...................Popovers

For trying to improve everyone within sight...Angel Food Cake

For being up-tight and irritable...High Fiber or Bran Muffins

For sycophancy..................................... Brownies

And remember, you don't have to show your crumbs to anyone.