Jewish Rockers

By Rob Dixter

As their bus pulls up to the stadium, the Backstreet Boys have a tough time navigating their way inside because of the adoring female fans lining both sides. These are girls aged roughly twelve to twenty, with a lot of spare time and lungs whose piercing shrieks produce a noise that would rival a killer whale mating. As I witnessed the scene take place, I thought sure these boys have it all: millions of dollars, screaming fans (and, speaking of screaming fans, you should have seen my bar mitzvah), and slacks so tight you can easily tell who the real leader of the group isŠ but how often do they call home?

We've all thought about becoming rock stars at one point in our lives, but I gave it up when I realized I would not be able to call my mother every night after the concert. It's tough being a good Jewish boy while rocking in front of millions of people. I mean, these guys get off stage and I'm sure the first thing on their mind is not "I should check in with home" but rather "did the security guard bring the right girl backstage," "is the beer guy out front still serving," and "will my fake ID work?" But if I got off stage and didn't call my mother immediately, there would surely ensue a certain panic followed by a week's worth of listening to not calling- is exactly like slipping poison into my mother's coffee or smashing her kneecaps with a lead pipe. (My mom watches FOX too much).

Over the years, there have been a few Jewish Musicians, most of whom sing about things that do not relate specifically to the Jewish religion. Would it really kill them to try writing songs like "Sinner's Bacon," "Great Legs and Jewish Too!," and my personal favorite, "Guilt Enough For Two." (Years ago I was listening to an old song called "Born To Run" when my grandmother informed me that any decent Jewish boy would never pull such a stunt; Jewish boys do not leave at the first sign of a problem. She continued to say that she was shocked and dismayed that this nice Jewish singer was leading kids astray with his Rock and his Roll. It took some time for me to explain to my grandmother that the man's name was Bruce Springsteen, and not Bruce Springstein. And, no, he did not grow up in Brooklyn where his Father is the Rabbi of the Synagogue with the great Saturday luncheon.)

But there have also been many times where non-Jewish musicians will turn to Judaism as a means of redirection, or finding themselves. Some simply sign up in late summer to get all that time off in September. Most recently it has been reported that Madonna has been studying the Kabballah, an ancient spiritual Jewish learning. Some say that if you study hard you are able to levitate things, while others disagree, saying that if you study hard you receive the rank of full ninja and that's it. Many believe that Madonna has been studying Kaballah because it's on the menu at the Viper Room and Moomba and allows you to free your mind and focus more intently on making money or creating a perfect 360-degree matzo ball, whichever comes first. There probably is no clear-cut answer.

Another case of Jewish conversion occurred in the late sixties with a band known as the Beatles. They had pretty much tried every other major religion (including those known to advertise in the back of Muscle magazine), and felt Judaism would be the savior. It was actually George who dreamed up the idea (John was too busy dreaming of Yellow Submarines), and Ringo agreed immediately, which he often did on any matter where they allowed him to vote. In researching the religion, George discovered that Jews get most Saturdays off and only needed to repent for sins once a year, which he felt was better than every-thirty-minutes-or-anytime-a-new-episode-of-ER-airs, which was the code they had previously been adhering to in India. As Paul liked to tell it, the fab four was sitting around all day, cross-legged and listening to birds sing. But it wasn't the cross legged that finally got to them, but the bird songs were above and beyond Rubber Soul, which drove John crazy. Soon after their brief Jewish stint, George was seen at a New York deli ordering kreplach for two. All the papers carried the story and girls stood outside and screamed while George ordered another vereneka.

Another incident occurred in the mid-sixties that would forever change Jewish rock.

A young Jewish boy by the name of Robert Zimmerman plugged in his guitar and people flipped. Some cheered, most booed, and one rabbi in Minnesota stroked his beard for a rather long period and declared "Oi" (which his students took to mean that not only would the harvest be a plentiful one this year but that Hanukkah would be shortened to six instead of eight days). The young man was, of course, Bob Dylan. Bob was born Jewish to two parents -- which most doctors believe is better then being born to three or more -- but quickly changed his name from Robert Zimmerman to Bob Dylan in the late fifties in order to sell more albums (and to stop the constant barrage of K Mart flyers that were constantly mailed to his house). It was estimated that Bob took the "Dylan" part from Dylan Thomas, while rock historians are still arguing about the Bob part of his name. Many believe that "Bob" was derived from "Robert", but there are a few who feel Dylan changed from "Robert" to "Bob" in an effort to emulate Bobby Simone, who would be born years later as a fictional character on NYPD Blue. It was commonly thought that with the name change Dylan renounced his Judaism -- which in a way he did when he converted to Christianity -- although most Rabbis will tell you "once a Jew always a Jew," which is a good excuse they use when they try to hit you up for donations.

Through the years, Judaism has played as big a part in Rock and Roll as have groupies and tantrums, although it was never widely reported as such. But it has proven to be difficult to hold on to the religion while gyrating on stage. So what does the future hold for Rock and Jews? There was an instance a few months ago where the band Cake showed up and played at a fan's Bar Mitzvah. But if more Bar Mitzvah's are going to rock, my Cantor had better learn some new tunes.

Rob Dixter is a freelance writer in New York City.