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February 2000 Issue, Volume 4

A Look at Looks

By Allison Kaplan

I've been telling my fiance how lucky he is to have me - now there's scientific evidence.

A study recently published in the journal Nature suggests short guys lose out to tall ones in the love department. Tall men are more likely to marry and tend to have more children, according to the work of European scientists who studied the medical records of around 3,200 men ages 25 to 60.

The results didn't surprise my guy. Rustin, age 27, is still waiting to reach his expected height of 5 foot 8, as plotted out on a pediatrician's development chart when he was 4. That last three--well, four--inch growth spurt should be occurring any day now.

So at least one height challenged man is beating the odds by getting married this year.

I'm not exactly first string on the basketball team myself, measuring in at 5 foot 2. Of all the requirements that made up my version of the perfect mate, height was one trait I never gave much thought. I suppose I took for granted that when you are a relatively short woman, you're bound to find a taller man.

I didn't consider why I might prefer a man who could look down on me - so to speak. But research - and human nature - shows the female desire to find a towering mate is as inherent as the male compulsion to poke a bonfire with a stick.

Modern women like to be in charge. We live alone, we pay our own bills, we believe men should do their share of the housework. Yet at the end of the day, most women want to be engulfed by a man's firm embrace. We want to feel safe. We like to feel petite.

For all of women's liberation, we're still somewhat old fashioned. One frustrated gentleman who signed his email "5 ft 8 with big blue eyes" wrote me a note pointing out that women are offended when men say they like their dates to be svelte or voluptuous or both. Those same women refuse to date short men.

"I just don't understand," this man writes. "It doesn't bother me to date a taller woman. I don't even think about height. What is it with women?"

It's that fundamental female desire to be protected, explains Chicago matchmaker Jan Messinger, who works mainly with Jewish singles ages 30 to 45.

Perhaps my own sample is less than scientific, but in my experience, Jewish men tend to top out closer to Dustin Hoffman than Pierce Brosnan. So I was thinking, maybe I've been desensitized to the height issue. Maybe Jewish girls are more accepting of shortness since we encounter it so frequently. Wrong, says another Jewish matchmaker, Linda Wisniewski.

"Even the shorter women, 5 foot 1, say they like men at least 5 foot 8. They like to wear heels," Wisniewski finds.

Adding "doctor" to a short man's name doesn't even do the trick, Messinger said. She's been trying to set up a handsome 5 foot 4 physician, and women just aren't interested.

"I think it's ridiculous," Messinger remarks. "What difference is a couple of inches if the person is nice?"

You don't have to tell that to my fiance. Rustin insists he had a terrible time getting dates in high school and college because of his height. (In his unbiased opinion, there is no other conceivable reason a woman would not be interested in dating him.)

Nine out of 10 women don't care if you're intelligent, attractive, thoughtful or charming so long as you're short, Rustin declares. If you can't reach the top shelf at the grocery store for them, most women only want to be "friends."

My humble fiance acknowledges he is a text book short guy. He ran high hurdles in high school, to prove that he could. He played football - defensive line. He wrestled. In a room full of towering men, often twice his size, Rustin invariably reminds me that he could beat up all of 'em.

He probably could. But I've tried explaining to Rustin that I'm not impressed by brawn. I like the way he grabs my hand when we cross a busy street and the way he wraps his arms around me when we're cuddling on the couch. He makes me feel feminine. And sometimes, it's nice not to analyze that.

When I met Rustin, I instantly decided he was good looking. As we became friends, he grew even more attractive to me. Only once the relationship turned serious did height become anything of an issue. And I blame that on Steve Madden, maker of those irresistible platform boots.

I'm not actually taller than Rustin in my favorite chunky heels, as he is quick to point out - not because he's hung up on height, but because he catches me measuring.

I confess, I'd rather I was not right at eye level with Rustin when my boots are on. But not enough to give them up.

Ultimately, you've got to go with the pair of boots that makes you happy. Because the best things in life can't be measured in feet.

Send comments to Allison at Singlstyle@aol.com