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May 2001 Issue

Faith, Religion, and Janet Jackson

By Rob Dixter

The Shavuot story of Moses walking up Mt. Sinai to receive the Ten Commandments reminds me of a day in the eighth grade when a substitute teacher showed up instead of our history teacher, Mrs. Blackburn.

We were told she had the flu and would be gone for several days eating chicken soup and watching The Price is Right from her bed. There was no leader, no one to show us the way, and we certainly were not going to respect someone we did not know.

Spitballs were flying, notes were passing, and wedgies were being given. And that was by the kids who had decided to show up to class.

With Moses momentarily gone, there was no more leader at Sinai, no figure of authority to let the guys in the desert know everything was Okay. And that's when the short-term memory kicked in. Sure, God brought us out of Egypt, but that was last month. In the immortal words of Ms. Janet Jackson, "What have you done for me lately?" The pointy buildings back in Cairo? Don't remember building them. All I know is I have no food and a leader who took off for a Holiday Inn vacation at the top of the mountain for forty days.

So the Jewish people got together and built a golden calf to worship. Now I know this is thousands of years ago, but if I'm hungry and aching for a Denny's Grand Slam breakfast, I don't see how making a cow out of gold will solve the problems.

Back then it seemed like the perfect answer. Our God has abandoned us, this new God will provide for us. With faith lost and no religion to speak of established, a new belief was created. Of course the cow didn't do much for the people in the desert. Apparently, he was a great listener and served as a terrific towel rack.

When Moses returned from Mt. Sinai he was shocked that the belief in God had waned so fast. A few weeks ago we were splitting seas and drowning Egyptians, and now you think God has left us? Tell 'em Janet. What have you done for us lately?

In a sudden rage, Moses threw down his two tablets consisting of the Ten Commandments. These of course were later placed in an ark to be discovered by Indiana Jones. And so Moses had to go back on top of the mountain and talk with God once more. Here were a people who had turned their backs on God, and he was still willing to give them the Ten Commandments. Rashi's interpretations of the whole affair states that Moses actually tried to tell God that the Dog had eaten his commandments, but the Lord knew better.

Fast forward to 1948. The Jewish people get a land of their own, Israel, and are immediately involved in war. In the present day there are still daily bombings and attacks on Israelis. Wasn't this the Promised Land? Why is it so difficult to take care of our homeland? Where is God now?

It was great that he promised us this piece of land, but sing it Janet--what have you done for us lately? It's easy to follow the teachings of the Torah as the religion dictates, but we sure could use a little help in taking care of our homes here in the land you gave us.

The religion tells me to believe in God and to follow the Torah. The Torah tells me that we are the chosen people and the Promised Land is ours.

There are a few neighbors who don't seem to be reading the same book as me. In today's world, how do we devote ourselves spiritually to the Jewish religion when what we were promised has not yet been delivered? It's almost a blind faith that is required. If you trust the religion, it will provide you with the answers, but as soon as you question it, the answers seem to disappear and all spirituality is lost.

It's not like my economics test in the tenth grade where the entire class had the answers to the exam. Throw a couple of hints or clues to allow us to regain faith in the cause.

When you read the bible, God seems to show up all the time. Kind of like Tony Randall on The Late Show with David Letterman; he's not on every night, but watch for a week straight and you'll see him.

Today God has not been spotted in years, and when people say that they have spoken with him we offer them a comfy room and suit with no arms. It makes sense then when you hear about cults and little sects that have popped up around the country that have developed a new slate of laws and beliefs. (Why they feel the need to hang out at the airport is another question entirely.)

With all the problems facing the Jewish people today, how easy is it to give up hope and lose what faith and spirituality you might possess?

The religion will always be there, and the laws of the Torah will always be there, but Janet Jackson's maxim comes and goes on an as needed basis. How do you believe in something that has not provided you with the answers you need right now? After Moses smashed the Ten Commandments, he returned to the top of Sinai and wrote out another set of commandments. (Which many scholars today liken to Bill Gates and his many versions of Windows.) Moses then brought these new commandments back to the Jewish people, who obeyed them.

A few years later God brought the Jewish people into the land of Canaan, and told them to go crazy and make it their home, build above ground swimming pools if they want, they'll be there for a while.

When Mrs. Blackburn got through with the flu, she returned to school and was able to restore some sense of order to her class. The thing was, we all knew she'd return someday, and when she did, we went back to the books.

Rob Dixter is a freelance writer in New York City. And he's a very serious guy.

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